Being Tender

Men, early on in our discussion a concern was raised that "we might get in touch with our feminine side," during our study.
I assured you all that this was not how the book would progress. Now we come to the chapter on tenderness.
Having emotions, letting them show and being genuine in them is not the same as being a"girly man," far form it. When we were created by the Lord God Almighty, he created us in His image. To me, this means more than physical appearance. I was created by my Father to be able to love as He is able to love.
Tenderness has more to do with knowing how to love well. Recognizing the need and being willing to fill it as best as we are able.
Understanding the need a young boy or girl has for a father to teach them, to share life experience with them, to explain the things of God to them.
Understanding the need of a woman who wants nothing more than to know without a shadow of a doubt that her husband desires her over all others. That her husband will protect her children with his own life if necessary. That her man is striving to be the only one who she needs to make her happy.
Go and be a real MAN, a man of God, the man for your wife, the man and mentor of her children. Be the Tender warrior, who knows he has emotions and knows that they are of God and not feminine or weak to show.
Who is with me?

Staying Power, Sum it Up

Thanks for sticking around, I appreciate it.
As we wrap up this chapter, I need to ask the question: "What keeps men from staying put?"
A necessary follow up is, "How do we(I) not fall prey to these influences in our(my) home and family?"
In the middle of this chapter Stu sights some dire statistics, 1,420% rise in the divorce rate in approximately a 70 year span. Men that is only a lifetime, 3 1/2 generations. Our children are the "oddity" in their classrooms because they "only have two parents."
Stu sights a study that concluded that 42% of children of divorce have not had physical contact with the father in over a year. Children of today see this trend as "normal." These are old statistics, it is probably worse today.
Staying power is about honesty and integrity, plain and simple. We need to be the living example of what an honest man looks like in our home.

Read the lesson from Deut. 6:
"1 Now this is the commandment, the statutes and the judgments which the LORD your God has commanded me to teach you, that you might do them in the land where you are going over to possess it,
2 so that you and your son and your grandson might fear the LORD your God, to keep all His statutes and His commandments which I command you, all the days of your life, and that your days may be prolonged.
3 O Israel, you should listen and be careful to do it, that it may be well with you and that you may multiply greatly, just as the LORD, the God of your fathers, has promised you, in a land flowing with milk and honey.
4 Hear, O Israel! The LORD is our God, the LORD is one!
5 You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.
6 These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart.
7 You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.
8 You shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be as frontals on your forehead.
9 You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates."

and further:
"17 You should diligently keep the commandments of the LORD your God, and His testimonies and His statutes which He has commanded you.
18 You shall do what is right and good in the sight of the LORD, that it may be well with you and that you may go in and possess the good land which the LORD swore to give your fathers,
19by driving out all your enemies from before you, as the LORD has spoken.
20 When your son asks you in time to come, saying, 'What do the testimonies and the statutes and the judgments mean which the LORD our God commanded you?'
21 then you shall say to your son, 'We were slaves to Pharaoh in Egypt, and the LORD brought us from Egypt with a mighty hand.
22 'Moreover, the LORD showed great and distressing signs and wonders before our eyes against Egypt, Pharaoh and all his household;
23 He brought us out from there in order to bring us in, to give us the land which He had sworn to our fathers.'
24 So the LORD commanded us to observe all these statutes, to fear the LORD our God for our good always and for our survival, as it is today.
25 It will be righteousness for us if we are careful to observe all this commandment before the LORD our God, just as He commanded us." (NASB)

Please notice, these instructions are not "One and done" items. The language indicates a continuing action. "You shall (keep on) loving the LORD your God", "These words ... shall be on your heart (continually)", "You shall do what is right and good in the sight of the LORD (every day)", "You shall (constantly) teach them diligently to your sons (and daughters)." (added emphasis mine)
These commandments are a lifestyle that is developed over time. This is how we learn staying power.

Near the end of this lesson, Stu gives us an ancient example (Job), a contemporary example (Orville for him) and a Perfect example, Jesus Himself, for us to use as patterns.
My encouragment is this: Find your own "Orville." Find this man who is willing to be your "Paul," who will mentor you along in your marriage, your job and your own Christian life.
Choose wisely.
Remember in "Facing the Giants" when the coach was teaching about giving their all with the "death crawl" He kept shouting "Don't Give up, don't you quit until there is nothing left!"
In His service,
Garry

Are We Staying? Part 1 The example of Job

Sorry for the long absence. This is an important topic that we have come to, I hope you have an opinion.
The lesson is from what is accepted as one of the oldest writings of Scripture, the Book of Job. What we learn from Job is simply this: It is worth it to keep the Faith, to persevere in the face of trials and adversity and to maintain our trust in God.
It is often overlooked, but another of the lessons from Job is to have good friends. These men, while their counsel may not have been the best, came and for one whole week sat silently and participated in Job's suffering. We need friends like that and we need to BE friends like that. It is not always about fixing the problems for someone, it should be about sharing the load.
The main lesson, as Stu points out, is Job's "staying power."
"Hanging in there."
"Don't give up."
"Endurance to the end."
These are all phrases we use to convey the central thought. Man up, Stay where you belong, even when it is difficult. Maybe it should be especially when it is difficult.
I am confessing here, in the past couple of weeks it would have been very easy for me to let this book study and this discussion forum die. The participation I had hoped for has not yet materialized. I know that it is because some are busier doing family and leading or participating in studies of their own and don't have time to sit at the computer. For some, this is maybe a little too open to share their ideas and feelings. That's okay. I have also come to realize that this particular book has not impacted everyone the same way it did me. That's okay too.
Men, it is not about me, this book or any other thing. What is important is this: Are we staying, developing the mentality of Job, "Yea, though He slay me, I will still serve Him."
We are not about to be slain physically. Where we are struggling the most it seems is this, "Why am I doing what I'm doing and how much longer am I going to stay with it?"
I can only answer the "Why" for myself. Only you can answer that question for yourself.
As for the "How long?"
For me, it is until He returns.
As a group, we will be much stronger, much more effective and much happier than if we try to go it alone. We are not alone, in our desire to serve the Body, in our struggles with discouragement, in any other way. We have each other, we need to reach out to catch the falling brother. We need to share the load, we need to feel like we can ask our brother to help when we feel alone.
More later about staying power.
With Love in Christ,
Garry

Follow up Chapter 3

As we prepare to move into Chapter 4, here are a few more thoughts. It may be a little dis-connected because I don't have my book in front of me to stay on track. We'll see how this goes.
The Four Pillars of Manhood are important to keep in balance as Stu points out. Developing these parts of our personalities takes time and effort. Maintaining the balance between Warrior and brute is not as difficult for most of us as say, establishing the proper relationship of Mentor/Friend in our relationships. Whether it is our marriage, being a Father, work or another type of relationship, the "right balance," is not easy to attain. However, it is probably the most important one to keep tuned properly at all times.
We (meaning me) tend to go into "problem solving mode" at the first hint of the opportunity to be the Hero. Mentors do use these chances to create learning moments and that is not terrible. The trick is to develop the discernment required to recognize the difference between a "teaching" opportunity and a "listening" opportunity. Men, sometimes we need to turn off the "Mr. Fix-it" mentality and just hear the hurt and the sorrow realizing there is not anything else required. I'll let you know when I have that part of the riddle solved and can readily see the differences.

The Four Pillars of Manhood, Chapter 3 part 1

Let's move on.
For those of us who enjoy a good laugh while possibly learning something, there is "Car Talk." An NPR radio show where two brothers are ask questions by callers and then joke their way toward the solution for whatever mechanical or social issue is happening with the callers' automobile or driving habits.
One of their favorite lines is, "The manual is just another man's opinion."
That idea could not be farther from the truth when Stu describes the Scriptures as the "Owner's Manual" for our life and the place to get direction to be a real man. It is not "an opinion," it is God's Knowledge. It is not a "trouble shooting" guide to use only when you are in a bind and need a jump start, it is the ultimate"How to" book.
The Genesis Spring, what a word picture that is for me. The origin, where it all starts. "In the beginning, God ..."
There are many good sources available to assist us in our desire to be a better husband, father, employee or any other part of our lives where improvement is desired. But if we want the best, if we want the clearest standard, we only have one place we need to look: God's Word.
We may have to dig to find what we need. But it is in there. Others can point us toward what we are looking for, but we should try to find it ourselves.
Take another look at the Four Pillars of Manhood: King, Warrior, Mentor & Friend.
These are the things that stuck in my mind"
King -- "The heart of the King is to be a provisionary."
Warrior -- "The heart of a Warrior is protective." "A warrior is not a brute, he is a protector." "A Warrior wants his sons (or someone) to be his 'apprentice Warrior' to follow on in his footsteps." Mentor -- "Men are supposed to be able to teach life." We are ask at times to provide answers that there is really no logical reason to expect us to know, like "The 'Check Engine' light came on today, why?" "How are we going to be able to do ______?" This type of expectation comes after the confidence that comes from a proven track record as provider has been established.
Friend -- "The heart of a friend is a loving heart."
Digest it for a while and then let's talk.

chapter 2, part deux

After re-reading this chapter, I have a few more thought provoking (I hope) observations to make about the provisionary man.
The author elaborates on the word "provision" and describes how a real man uses that vision to "see around the bend," and "visualize ahead of time." He lists words and phrases to describe the man who is a visionary like "anticipation," "Thinking forward," and someone who "lives at and beyond the horizon." King.
As I dwell on the word picture he is painting here, I am struck by the realization that many of these necessary qualities are what I would call, "developed skills," not really natural to all men. To some perhaps but not all. They are learned skills, taught by our own fathers to us or modeled for us by the righteous life of someone we know.
I began to realize that when we work toward this ideal of a man, confidence will build. Our confidence in God that he will continue to be faithful to us. Confidence that we are on the right path, being very careful not to become self-confident or self reliant. But we will also begin to notice that the ones we care the most about will increase the confidence that they place in us. Wives who are being loved as Christ love his church will not question the leadership her husband exhibits. Kids who have a loving role model at home won't be as apt to look elsewhere to find out what it means to be a Man. God will bless our efforts.
It also caught my attention that he mentioned the word "vulnerability" in this chapter. It seemed to be out of place at first but as I pondered for a while, I realized what God wanted me to see:
We must be aware of our weaknesses to be on guard and not fall prey to them.
The Hebrews writer call it, "besetting sins," in chapter 12, verses 1-4. I think that none of us are really worried that we will fall into the sin of murder tomorrow. We are aware of what we consider "big sins" and generally can stay out of that type of failure. It is the little things, that can weigh us down and cause the stumble and failure in our lives.
In the Song of Solomon we read: "Catch the foxes for us, The little foxes that are ruining the vineyards, While our vineyards are in blossom." This is a warning to us that it is the "small stuff" that causes destruction. The things we don't pay much attention to keep us from being the visionary leader we should be.
Another thing that we must be on guard against is the loss of focus. Losing sight of the GOAL. Allowing something to come between us and the finish line.
This can happen when, as he described their hike in the wilderness, we get overwhelmed by the circumstances we can't control. When the weather closed in on their hiking party, not one of them had the ability to clear the skies. There will be times when we get lost in the fog of what is going on around us. Our landmark disappears from our horizon. It is then that we learn what it is to walk by faith and we learn to lean on God more. When I have achieved that goal I will let you know how to do it. God is still working with me on that.
Let's become the men that God called us to be. Start now to develop the skill set of the visionary leader described here.
Okay, what is on your mind?

Chapter 2

Hey, is anybody out there?
As I read about the cast of "Wagon Train" and the descriptions of the men, the leader, the cook and the scout, one question came to my mind that I can't shake. His way of saying "... the mysterious Up Ahead, that place around the bend in the river or over the next mountain range.
When we become the "Provider" he describes we will not only grow in our confidence we will see an increase in the confidence that is placed in us.
Read this chapter and see what the following scriptures tell you"
Prov 29:18, (vision)
Hebrews 12:1-4 (vulnerability)
Philippians 3:12-15 (perseverance)
I can only ask this question, "Is there a difference between steering and guiding?"
Tell me.

Chapter 1, Waking up, a Couple of Thoughts

There are going to be “wake up calls” throughout our lives. Some will come in the manner of a loud clanging gong, others will be like soothing music, just loud enough to bring you out of your slumber. Either way, don't hit the snooze button. WAKE UP!
In this chapter, Stu Weber describes a few that occurred in his life. Let's take a look at how we can gain from his experience.
His first alarm went off when one of his fellow soldiers lost his life in a helicopter crash. The question that came to his mind resounds in our minds when someone dies “too soon.” “What if it had been me? What am I going to leave behind?”
A couple of years ago now, I re-read in James 1:19-25, “... be doers of the Word and not just a hearer...” That passage came alive to me in a big way. If we do this, become real doers, we will leave a mark on the world. The real question for me now is this, “Is the mark I am leaving a pointer toward something better or just a smudge?” It needs to be our goal to leave direction signs so that the ones who are following us, whether it is our children or someone we are only casually friendly with, can find their way to the best that God has for them.
I was especially touched in this chapter by the question that came to Stu's mind as he was recovering from the parachuting accident, “What really matters?” As I reflected on that in my own life, I thought of three things: live well, laugh hard and love best.
By living well I mean that we should be involved. Involved with our wives and children. We ought to be a “felt presence” in our homes and in the relationships that the ones we care about are involved in. We need to know the people our kids are around. We need to know what they are interested in. I think that living well also means that we find and develop our abilities and pursue our passions. We don't necessarily need to try to position ourselves “on the edge” of control in our pursuit of these passions and we can't allow this to hurt the relationships we have with our families. We also need to cover this pursuit in study and prayer to assure that we are not venturing outside of God's plan for us.
As everyone is aware, I like to have a good time. I enjoy joking around and laughing with people. In doing this I am becoming more and more cautious that I am not laughing at someone or at their expense. We are men, sometimes I laugh when I shouldn't. God created laughter along with everything else and we need to enjoy our lives.
Love best. To me, this means that above all else that I do, loving is what I strive to excel at. Jesus said that it is the Greatest Commandment, to love God with all your heart, mind and spirit. He said the next most important thing that we can do in our service to God is to love our neighbor as we love ourselves. If we love God first, and then those closest to us (wives, children and other family) next, after that, everyone else that we come into contact with, we are loving best. I will let you know when I get this part down and am doing it everyday, all day long. But this should be our purpose.
I am guessing that we have all shared the second wake up alarm that comes from taking our wives for granted. This made me realize that in God's eyes we are equally valuable. In our home she is my equal in every way and in many ways my wife is better than me. But, and this is important, if I am to love her best, I must be the leader in our home. It is the design of our Heavenly Father for men to lead. Not to be a dominator or tyrant, but it is our place. More on this later in the book.
Let's open the floor for feedback.

Weather problems

Men, we did not receive our study books this week probably due to the ice and snow. I hope this finds us all well and warm. I know that there are some who still don't have power in their homes and will not read this for a couple of days.
Oh well, that is the way it goes.
I am praying that this study will help us all become, as our Mission Statement declares, "Fully devoted followers of Christ." For those of us who aren't sure of the book title, it is "Tender Warrior" by Stu Weber. It is written to the man who wants to become what God intended us to be when he created us.
This book contains much that may appear to just be "common sense" to many of us. It is also a gold mine of affirmation of the things we may be doing well in our homes and our Christian walk. And that is okay, sometimes we just need to have someone to say, "Good work, keep it up."
The author has what I think is a unique way to communicate his encouragement and challenge to men in "our language."
I look forward to our journey together through this study as we grow in Grace.

Out of the Blocks

Men, we are on our way to what I hope will be a good study forum.
I am going to place the order for our books when I am done here and will have them by Sunday I hope.
Please feel free to use this for a bulletin board also to keep everyone in the circle of communication.
We have ignition.
Garry