There are going to be “wake up calls” throughout our lives. Some will come in the manner of a loud clanging gong, others will be like soothing music, just loud enough to bring you out of your slumber. Either way, don't hit the snooze button. WAKE UP!
In this chapter, Stu Weber describes a few that occurred in his life. Let's take a look at how we can gain from his experience.
His first alarm went off when one of his fellow soldiers lost his life in a helicopter crash. The question that came to his mind resounds in our minds when someone dies “too soon.” “What if it had been me? What am I going to leave behind?”
A couple of years ago now, I re-read in James 1:19-25, “... be doers of the Word and not just a hearer...” That passage came alive to me in a big way. If we do this, become real doers, we will leave a mark on the world. The real question for me now is this, “Is the mark I am leaving a pointer toward something better or just a smudge?” It needs to be our goal to leave direction signs so that the ones who are following us, whether it is our children or someone we are only casually friendly with, can find their way to the best that God has for them.
I was especially touched in this chapter by the question that came to Stu's mind as he was recovering from the parachuting accident, “What really matters?” As I reflected on that in my own life, I thought of three things: live well, laugh hard and love best.
By living well I mean that we should be involved. Involved with our wives and children. We ought to be a “felt presence” in our homes and in the relationships that the ones we care about are involved in. We need to know the people our kids are around. We need to know what they are interested in. I think that living well also means that we find and develop our abilities and pursue our passions. We don't necessarily need to try to position ourselves “on the edge” of control in our pursuit of these passions and we can't allow this to hurt the relationships we have with our families. We also need to cover this pursuit in study and prayer to assure that we are not venturing outside of God's plan for us.
As everyone is aware, I like to have a good time. I enjoy joking around and laughing with people. In doing this I am becoming more and more cautious that I am not laughing at someone or at their expense. We are men, sometimes I laugh when I shouldn't. God created laughter along with everything else and we need to enjoy our lives.
Love best. To me, this means that above all else that I do, loving is what I strive to excel at. Jesus said that it is the Greatest Commandment, to love God with all your heart, mind and spirit. He said the next most important thing that we can do in our service to God is to love our neighbor as we love ourselves. If we love God first, and then those closest to us (wives, children and other family) next, after that, everyone else that we come into contact with, we are loving best. I will let you know when I get this part down and am doing it everyday, all day long. But this should be our purpose.
I am guessing that we have all shared the second wake up alarm that comes from taking our wives for granted. This made me realize that in God's eyes we are equally valuable. In our home she is my equal in every way and in many ways my wife is better than me. But, and this is important, if I am to love her best, I must be the leader in our home. It is the design of our Heavenly Father for men to lead. Not to be a dominator or tyrant, but it is our place. More on this later in the book.
Let's open the floor for feedback.
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Weber's opening chapter struck pretty close to home. Like him I also had a number of ignored wake up calls starting with getting ill while I was in college as well as tripping a mine a few years later. Seems I owe my life to a Chinese slave laborer who filed a firing pin a few thousandths mm short. I'm sure God had his hand in it as well since he spent a lot of time thumping me on the head to get my attention.
ReplyDeleteI tend to avoid reading the vast majority of books which try to redefine what it is to be a man for several reasons. First and primarily, the few I've scanned aren't about being a better man, they are about how to feminize men.
I'm essentially a knuckle dragging type A+++ personality who if I was playing hopscotch with a group of girl scouts, I'd turn it into a full contact game to win. Given the choice of getting in touch with my inner self or my feminine side, I'd much rather grab a loincloth, go carve a spear and mix it up with a wild boar.
Another reason is that so many of these books are gimmicky or off the chart. "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus." No, we are all from Earth so learn to deal with it and besides if I wanted advice on how to deal with and understand women, I probably wouldn't seek out a celibate, Buddhist monk.
But Weber seems different. Anyone who has slept in trees, eaten snakes and jumped out of perfectly good airplanes probably has a reasonable handle on "guy stuff." I'm willing to improve if it makes sense. So, let's see what he has to say.
I have to say I have had some "wake up" calls as well in my life. Not like almost dying, falling out of helicopters, being shot at. Mine were more subtle. More heart piercing. It was the wise, and unfortunately true, statement made by a 6 year old girl in 2000- "Daddy, I know you like work much more than you like spending time with the family." This crushing statement several years ago changed my direction in life. Essentially, what was I teaching my children? Work? Success in a career? More education was more important than being a father? If I had died at that point in time, what impression or lesson would I have left for my children's life?
ReplyDeleteAnother "call" came a few years later. I had after receiving the above statement from my daughter changed my focus in life and was spending more time with my family. One evening in 2006 while watching the girls swim, my wife made the statement she had never shared with me. She stated that she had decided in 2000 after our second child was born that she never wanted to have another child with me (fortunately, God worked miracles in my life and her decision had changed). Boy, talk about crushing. She explained that during her second pregancy I was never there. I never gave her the attention she as my wife, supposedly best friend, and pregnant mother needed. I essentially ignored her and the baby. I was too preoccupied with my own success at work and in the community, I totally ignored what mattered most - my relationship with Christ and my family. Fortunately, my 6 year old daughter's comment in life had already caused a metamorphosis in my family time and I was beginning to be the husband and father I needed to be and my wife changed her mind, yet I was still not giving the attention needed to my wife (and still struggle with this one).
A year ago, I began struggling with another wake up call, "What kind of spiritual leader, husband, and father am I?" I pray every day, "make me the spiritual leader that Christ portrays." Do I pray with my children? Do I model Christ? Do I love my wife and model the kind of relationship with my wife that I would want my children to have? Am I authentic? Do I portray Christ in my actions, behaviors, and attitude?
We as men are given a pretty heavy load "to love your wife as Christ loves the church." In addition, we are given the huge and awesome responsibility to guide and teach our children (and others) "in the way they should go." How many times do we see in the Bible great men of faith and action (Samson, Gideon) do marvelous and amazing works, but fail as a father, spirtual leader, and godly role model for the future genrations? It scares me to think sometimes that one day I will stand before the throne room of God and have to account for how I lived my life as an example for Him and if I ever was a stumbling block to others preventing them from enjoying the fullness of Christ. Have you ever thought about that one? What a huge responsibility!
Weber's first chapter hits home with me on so many fronts. What are the most improtant things in my life and do I live those things that I say are most important? How many times do we philosophically say the reason for life is to live for Christ or worship God, but then never live those reasons to their fullest potential? Being a man is not about providing or building material things, but rather providing and building those Spiritual, eternal things that are stored in Heaven where nothing can corrupt it.
Thanks men, I will lay to rest for anyone else who is thinking that this is a study to bring to into contact with your "feminine side" as Rick put it. It is absolutely not about that.
ReplyDeleteStu Weber is teaching us how to be the man that God created us to be. Now that we recognize the call to be that man, lets go forward. I'd like to hear from a couple of others on this chapter before we move on.